No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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