Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize