Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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