Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
