This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
