You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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