Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
