man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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