Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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