You can't motorboat a personality
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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