There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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