how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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