i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
