That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
