I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize