He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
