omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
