I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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