is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
