Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
