a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
PANTIES FOUND
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
