Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize