He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
