all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize