In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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