you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
