You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We named our party play list daddy issues
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
