A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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