I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
