We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
