First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
