you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
