i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
