I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
