I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
