I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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