one two three fourrrrnication!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You made out with two different species that night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
