I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
