I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
