Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
whose ass print is on the piano?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
