Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When are your genitals available?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
