I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
