At least make sure they are 18
Why
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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