can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
