she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
