there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Randomize
