Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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