Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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