there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
