Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
