You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize