I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
