We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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