sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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