My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize