BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
