Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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