Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
