3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
