I CAN MOONWALK!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize