I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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