Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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