Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
