remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
