party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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