Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
