That's when you crack a 10am beer
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just crazy horny about you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
