My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
