she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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