Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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