I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
