I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
