i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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