We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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