I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
