from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
